Break na ta!

You don’t want your boyfriend anymore. He is just too overprotective and you can’t find your own self. He is so controlling that you are starting to lose your closest friends and besides, he is not that ‘gwapo’ naman for you to hang on to something you both have. You have started to date some cute guys in campus including what you believe is your destiny. You are now facing the greatest challenge in your love life (or career if you’ve been doing it for dozens of times); BREAKING UP or simply DUMPING. It is something normal usually done by normal people having normal boyfriends or girlfriends and is also normally responded by violent reactions and can be fatal at times. Let’s just say you’ve been together since you were in Hmmmmm… 3 weeks and 6 days ago. He is playing DoTA across the campus and you surprised him for lunch. You are now walking towards a not-so-descent restaurant along the road with dust and smoke resting on your red cheeks and bloody lipstick. Then you suddenly shouted, “BREAK NA TA!!!”. Your ex-boyfriend by that very moment jumped on the middle of the road and got hit by a jeepney rushing towards the front of your school (it’s lunch) and was declared dead by the Traffic Police who had undergone First Aid Training. But honestly, he really died. If you have some grudges on him, then you would really appreciate but if you loved him even for just a little, you will be guilty of what just happened (hala ka!).

So, if you’re not ready to be flocked by stones at night and be haunted by his ghost, I will give you not one or two but TEN best ways of saying “BREAK NA TA”.

10. “I love you so much pero you deserve someone better, may makita ka pa na nga mas maayo sa akon.”

This is one of the most common way of calling it quits. It’s flattery combined with a hurtful goodbye. Sometimes, if you have a gayish soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, you can add his talents and kindness before saying these phrases. It will give him a good chance in his next attempt and you will still good about what you’ve done.

9. “Palangga ta guid ka but I have to concentrate sa studies ko. Para man ni sa aton someday.”

If your running Summa or Magna and having a Zuma and Magma attitude then, this will fit right into you. No more follow-up questions after this. You might even receive a compliment and an assurance that he will wait for you (that would be another problem especially when there is a pending contract for a new one).

8. “Sorry guid kung busy ko pirme. Wala guid ko pirme time sa imu. Cool-off lang ta anay kay basi may makita ka pa na magaan ka more time.”

Cool-off is also called a breakup but in its lesser evil form. Cooling-off is the slowdeath of a long dead love between you and your boyfriend (or ex). It may sound cool and free for guys but a not-so-good thing if he realizes you’re gone.

7. “I think dapat na guid ta magbreak. I don’t know if I still love you. Mas mayo na lang ni kaysa magdugay pa, mas masakitan ka lang.”

Straight but still blameless, a graceful exit for a fair lady like you. No more whitelies and you’re free from any blame. You’re just honest. It’s painful but you’re not guilty. If he still dies, you will still be okay.

6. “It’s not you, it’s me…”

This is simply not a reason but this is a powerful tool for him to feel good about himself. You getting all the blame is what they want and here it is. You can use it before or after you say the beautiful phrase Break na ta!

5. “I don’t want to destroy our friendship. Friends na lang ta bala.”

Wow. Ouch. It is harsh. You are asking somebody who loves you more than anything else to be friends and see you enjoy in the arms of another? Yes. Friendship is a nice choice of alibi. Your ex-boyfriend will act as your big brother and screen your suitors, that’s a good alternative than having him as your husband though.

4. "I think it's for your own good...it is hard for me...yet i have to do it...bye..."

His nanay doesn’t like you and also his sisters so, why bother? He will not feel that bad. His family will comfort him so that he will not think of you anymore. On the other side, you can now just be the naughtiest girl in town since your t-shirt reads “I am the girl your family warned you about”.

3. “Kung kita, kita guid na ya. Indi lang guid subong ang right time”

CORNY. Telenovelas really hit it big in giving you the best alibis in saying “we’re done”. Destiny is again the one making the breakup. Love came in the most inconvenient moment. He thinks it is breakup while lingering of a brighter future together. He will understand your devilish act.

2. “Nakita ta ni tatay, kung sigehon ko pa kuno, papule-on ya ko sa uma.”

Yeah right. Your father doesn’t even have a farm. This is usually the case: Papa, Daddy, Dad is the best reason to end everything especially when he is in the military or police service. Boyfriends may sound intimidating when protecting their girls but can’t stand a word when the King speaks.

1. “I’m entering the convent…”

Cool. New. Fresh. This one is a top-notch. Who will compete with AMA? Forget it. I highly recommend this one for those who can’t think of anything more. You can add a blessing and a closing prayer. If he later finds out that you have somebody new, you can simply add ‘he is a blessing.’